I sat at the intersection of the breaking and the blessing for this milestone birthday—the breaking of thoughts, habits, and beliefs. At 18 years old, I had planned my life out until the tender age of 30

The breaking has been uncomfortable, and the infringement has been faced with many tears because every time I made plans, I was consistently met, with my goals being shattered and shifted to fit the mold of what God was doing.

Proverbs 16:9 Amplified Bible
A man's mind plans his way [as he journeys through life], But the LORD directs his steps and establishes them.

The shattering was so overwhelming that I had to ask me, "what is the meaning of 30 in the Bible?" because I needed biblical references to help me understand what was going on as I transitioned through life. I already knew that I was currently in a refining process. I knew that this was a part of my refining process, yet it felt like so much more, and here is what I discovered:

30 signifies a dedication to calling and significant responsibilities

Jesus begin publicly spreading the gospel at the age of 30

Calling - Calling is the process of preparing for and carrying out our kingdom assignment on Earth. As I have been very reflective over this past year, I realized that God has given me clarity on how he wants me to execute the calling he has for me. In gaining clarity, I gain confidence in communicating what's for me and what's not for me, but most importantly, God wants to make sure I have the character to carry the calling, and in that, he will take me through his refining process. So it makes sense that I would experience all the emotions, grief, sorrow, gladness, peace, pressure, and more. This is how I carry my cross; to receive a crown, we must be crucified, yet we should never overlook the fact that the God who resides within us will be resurrected.

We can't have the crown without the crucifixion

We can't have the crown without the cross

We can't have a pure posture without the pressure

We cant be refined without the Refiner

Numbers 34:3-4 Holman Christian Standard Bible
Men from 30 to 50 years old—everyone qualified to work at the meeting tent. This service of the Kohathites at the Tent of Meeting regards the holiest things.

Responsibilities: These men were called to a life of service relating to the holiest things. If we live a life of being refined, the goal is for us to come out looking like our Refiner, to reflect him on the Earth. It will take a decision to dismantle the things of the Culture daily so we can bring for Kingdom.

When I realized that things were not coming together as I had hoped, I wrote in The CROWNED Life Prayer Journal

However, I also realized that at the intersection of every desire, a choice must be made that will either move us toward destiny so that we can reflect the Kingdom in the Culture or allow us to delay or become distracted from achieving destiny. I am developing the skill of acknowledging my emotions without giving in to them because doing so causes me anxiety. Instead, I prefer to utilize that energy to draw on my faith and God's anointing.

This past year presented many ups and downs, my highs were so high, and my lows were low, yet I made it and persevered. I have grieved, tried to cancel the calling, and cried too many tears to count, yet I decided to get up, consistently recommit myself, and demand that my faith overrule my feelings. As I walk into this new season and decade of life, I am hopeful, thankful, and, most importantly, CROWNED, and so are you!

Thank you for being on this journey with me!

This is 30, whatever happens it will be God and it will be good.

The Breaking Produces The Blessing